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I've Got HIM on the List...

Give in to the whimsical, and imagine Gilbert and Sullivan working in the tourism industry in Colorado, in summer. What a field day they would have, especially with "I've Got a Little List."

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs —
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs —
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat —
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that —
And all third persons who on spoiling tête-á-têtes insist —
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed
Now, there is no point to listing all the categories of offenders in Colorado tourism. But I consider it an interesting challenge to settle on the category that belongs at the top of the list.

All you have to do is try to go to the gasoline pump in this town. We are on US50. It is one of the memes of the travel industry that US50 is the "Loneliest Highway in America."

Oh yea, sure it is. In Nevada, maybe. Not Colorado. All of the gas station parking lots are small, here. Why so? Why isn't there a big truck stop on the edge of town that could accommodate Texas-style, triple axle toy haulers that are appended by a flat bed trailer with two Polaris RAZR UTVs on it. 

It is a real comedy show to watch the chaos and confusion at the gas stations. But the real culprits are the scoundrels whose gas caps are on the wrong side of the car. (Wrong = "right" hand, starboard side.)

With all of the microscopic regulations on motor vehicles today, why don't our all-knowing bureaucrats require the gas cap to be on the driver's side (aka, the "left", or port side) of all motor vehicles? That is how it used to be, before America was flooded with Japanese rice-burners. (They drive on the wrong side of the road in Japan.)

Yes, it is my own fault for being in an overcrowded place like Colorado  -- in the summer! Still, as with Gilbert & Sullivan, it is a form of therapy to build a list of people who "might well be underground."


Ted said…
Yeah, the “loneliest” moniker belongs to the Nevada stretch from Fallon (home of Top Gun) to Utah.

“Wrong side” Brit autos predated the Japanese imports by decades.
Anonymous said…
I do not subscribe to US50 being the 'loneliest' road in the US not NV. That was created by some Eastern newspaper reported that had never been in th West before. There are a lot that are far lonelier.

This is being sent from my new Kindle Fire 8 Hd. I can not say that it was easily done.