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Saying Something Good About Tourists

  I have been on the war path lately with tourists. It is too easy. Therefore let's focus on touristic success stories. That last paragraph brings up a movie metaphor: remember the speech by the political officer at the beginning of "Enemy at the Gates?" He said that the 'country needed examples to follow -- what it needed was heroes.' Krushchev walked over to him and asked, 'And what about you. Do you know any heroes?" 'Yes, Comrade,' the political officer said, 'I know one. '  A nd off the movie went, telling the tale of the spectacular Russian sniper from the Urals, Valery Zaitsev. from  . Kruschchev (Bob Hoskins) on left, political office (Joseph Fiennes) on right. Well, I too know a hero, or at least an example to follow. A young couple from western Colorado told me they hit the gate at the national park at 430 am. Admission was free, which surprised them, but that isn't why they did it. They were there to enjoy dawn, th

How to Improve Summer Camping in Coluhraduh

1. Confiscatory taxation of UTVs (side-by-sides), ATVs, etc. At the very least, make this apply to Oklahoma and Texas license plates. 2. Deposits of 25 cents on throw-away beverage and water containers. 3. No electrical amplification of sound (aka, music) at campgrounds NOR IN CARS in the campground. No bongo drums. 4. Lock gate of campground at sunset. At Thursday noon, lock the gate until Sunday noon. 5. Campground speed limit of 5 mph. Mechanisms should enforce this speed limit -- something that does severe damage to the tires would be ideal. 6. Inverter-generator usage should be restricted to an hour at breakfast and an hour at the evening meal. 7. Anti-bark collars on dogs. These seven measures would go a long away towards making Coluhraduh camping less disgusting. They might sound a little draconian, but considering that Scenery Tourism is the first thing that needs to be locked-down during the upcoming Planet-wide Climate Lockdown, these steps are the lesser of two evils. You mi

True Progress, Outdoors

Long-suffering readers know that one of the pinatas (tilde on n) of this blog is the modern deity of Progress. That is not because I'm opposed to progress, but rather, to the Media's misuse of the term. The Media chases freakish novelty obsessively and then calls it progress. But when I spot true progress, my heart skips a beat. Look at this wonderful umbrella/parasol for a picnic table at the campground.   Over at another campsite there is this canopy for dogs?  I was fluttering my eyelashes over these two things. It almost seems as though the Gringo has finally come to understand that the art of living outdoors is living partially outdoors, and making it adjustable. Haven't I been preaching that for years? It is such a thankless job being ahead of one's time.  These two illustrations of true progress show characteristics that it typically has: humble, incremental, concrete, and demonstrable. In contrast, phony progress is tipped off by grandiose language, vagueness,

More Visualization Tricks for Tourist Areas

I forgot to mention a trick that has worked well for me in overcrowded situations. Remember the old days when you went Christmas shopping at brick-and-mortar stores? Many people thought that was a dreadful experience, and so did I. One day I was at a crowded mall and suddenly a "crazy" thought popped up: what if I became numb to the hordes around me by thinking of them as bushes, shrubs, or trees. After all, when you walk through a forest you aren't reduced to a nervous wreck. So what is the difference between shrubs and people? All I had to do was renounce certain traditional thoughts such as humans as sentient beings with free moral agency. Actually, this was quite easy. Once you have become numb and neutral about the hordes around you, you can relax. Don't make eye contact with anybody. Never initiate a conversation. If somebody asks you a question, you can politely smile at them, try to answer their question in three or four words, crack a little joke, and sneak o

Damsels in Distress

We don't have water at this campground. Three young women came by and asked about water. Their options weren't appealing. Being an old blowhard, I started going down a track that seemed wrong, so I quickly shut up.  Recall the old story of a wino panhandler who asked for help from a passerby; it was followed by advice. The panhandler then interrupted the passerby by reminding him that he had asked for help -- not for advice. They would have thought it was politically incorrect to inject some common sense and tell them that three attractive young women are more than capable of getting lots of help on lots of things. My goodness, that would have been such an awful thing to say! But to hell with political culture. Look at it from the point of view of nature. It is an advantage that young attractive women have, from the evolution of our species. Why doesn't that count?  Meanwhile, we were looking off into the sunset. The rain was over and the sun was coming out. Pretty and chee