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Chance to Replace Handshakes and Kisses

I am no epidemiologist, but why hasn't there been draconian government restrictions against kissing? Isn't kissing a particularly unsanitary habit?

A dentist once told me that if you used a cotton swab to take a sample from the human mouth, and did the same with the anus, and put each sample in a separate petri dish, you would find the mouth-petri-dish far more disgusting in a few days.

Perhaps if kissing was on lockdown, the birth-rate would fall precipitously nine months from now. (And who would object to that?) The human male is in a hurry to get past time-consuming preliminaries like kissing, and get down to 'business' ... maybe that is why kissing hasn't been put on lockdown, yet: the restriction would favor male pigs.

Hand-shaking is the next thing I would like to eliminate. As a boy I loved shaking hands because it made me feel so grown up. But it does seem unsanitary.

What year was it that American blacks began to give other "bro-s" a different kind of handshake? (If whites had come up with something like that, it would have been considered racist.) But the 'black power' handshakes seem just as unsanitary as the traditional Anglo handshake.  At any rate, their handshake became passé long ago.

Then it was replaced by the special handshake that Hispanic 'manos gave to each other. At least this was progress from a sanitary point of view.

We can only imagine what the new transgender handshake will look like. And whatever it is, people will see it all other the television set, and soon everybody -- transgender or not -- will be shaking hands in the new way to show how cool & trendy they are.

These days it is surprising how many (male-identifying) metrosexuals from the Big City will try to hug other male-identifying people. No doubt the idea comes from imitating women.

At any rate, all these competing ways of greeting each other are unsanitary, embarrassing, or divisive. Why don't we put the virus crises to use in improving our style of greeting once and for all. Personally I favor (hands-free) bowing by men, and curtsying by women. Of course, that would be politically incorrect, so it won't happen. But at least it would be sanitary.


Yankeeflyer said…
Bend over and kiss your petri dish good-bye !
Ted said…
On my clinic visit a couple weeks ago, the doctor and I reached to shake hands out of habit, froze part way, and my doc offered an elbow to bump with mine. Good enough. It’s the thought that counts. ;)
A common greeting is “How you doing?”

I just answer “I’ll know more when the test results come back”.

Mostly people just move on.
Anonymous said…
The hands together and slight bow associated with the namaste greeting seems to me respectful and suitable for either sex or any gender identity. I believe world citizens could live with this.

Of course "any gender identity" really means "no gender identity".