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Wolf at the Door, conclusion

Update: on the bicycle ride home today I stopped by the German Shepherd's house in the barrio that I ride through. He had almost completely recovered from his crash with the car! Then he confronted me like he was auditioning for a bit role in Stalag 17. He was off-leash, so I called Animal Control.



During the recent sub-zero night there was an element of playful adventure and even drama. But the dominant mood was one of anger. I was furious about being so weak and letting winter cold beat me. This became so noticeable that there had to be something larger at stake.

In Lawrence of Arabia a newspaper reporter asked Lawrence what he liked personally about the desert. It's clean, he said. Keep in mind that Hollywood scriptwriters will put a western movie in Dodge City, Kansas, with Rocky Mountains in the background. The desert is not clean, but winter cold is. Perhaps it can fascinate us because of the clarity that it brings to life; it condenses issues into a manageable view...


Or maybe it's a crystallization of larger issues, which are ordinarily too vague...


A big part of life is the willpower to say No to an outside threat, although we sometimes fail to identify it as a threat.

Some people might be tempted to use the sacred mantra of 'simplicity' to describe the clarity of winter cold, but I hate that word. 'Simplicity' sounds too much like emptiness to me, too meditative, passive, and Buddhist. Breathe in, breathe out. Screw all that. I prefer intensity and focus...


Recently my dog, Coffee Girl, and I were walking to town on one of the many fine winter mornings that we've had this year: cold, calm, dry, and sunny. A German shepherd was running loose. Although not one of my favorite breeds, this individual was a fine-looking dog. At first I was alarmed, but soon the shepherd was acting curious rather than aggressive. He ran reconnaissance loops in the road, attempting to keep close to us as we walked away.

A car came down the road, but the German shepherd didn't pay the slightest attention to it. On one of his loops he smashed into the driver's door of the car. He did manage to limp off.

I gave the young woman driver the dirtiest look that I could manage. But that was just in reaction; it probably wasn't fair; she had slowed down. I wonder what she thought as she drove away: maybe that there was more danger on the other side of the windshield than she had thought, and that the cocoon of comfort that a driver lives in most of the time is not Reality.

Comments

XXXXX said…
Intensity and focus are the skills of a hunter who must learn not to be distracted by any extraneous stimuli which includes emotions, his or anyone else's.
As a species we undoubtedly could never have survived without developing this ability.
And even though we are no longer primarily hunters, there is much to say for this acquired ability in terms of analyzing the world around us and, for the very brave at heart, turning this attention inward and discovering one's true nature which is quite different from the painted image of ourselves we like to believe so readily.
Your pictures are lovely and make your point quite well. Here's the "but" though....I recall another picture you have posted....of you, sitting on top of a mountain, smiling happily as you petted Coffee Girl and another dog, with the surrounding mountaintops in a panoramic view. Anyone who has been on the top of a mountain knows the quiet there, a feeling of majesty and eternity and all sorts of similar experiences which are the opposite of focus and intensity. Words cannot do it justice. To me, it is feeling my insignificance yet that is gloriously OK because I also feel my part in the wholeness and vastness of the universe. It takes soft eyes to feel this, a yielding, a giving in, a going with the flow.
What I am saying is that it is not an either/or situation. We humans, both male and female, have the potential of developing both abilities, intense focus and softening, taking in the gestalt. Both are absolutely necessary for good living, survival, and happiness. Hopefully, one learns to be more conscious, more aware, of which skill is required in a situation.
During your night of near freezing, you undoubtedly chose well.
bp, "To me, it is feeling my insignificance yet that is gloriously OK because I also feel my part in the wholeness and vastness of the universe."

Very poetic. I have experienced that feeling too, but never after seeking it directly. It came, almost as a byproduct, after an episode of athletic or aerobic intensity on an outdoor outing.
ah, yes... endorphins are a great byproduct of my lifestyle.