Since I was falsely accused of misogyny the other day, I have gone looking for allies to prove my innocence. At first I thought of Schopenhauer or Nietzsche. Too intellectual perhaps. How about Professor Henry Higgins of My Fair Lady? Hmm...maybe not.
Wait a minute, I've got it: look up the biography of legendary movie director, Joseph Mankiewicz, (The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, All About Eve, etc.) on imdb dotcom or Wikipedia. Nobody ever accused him of being a misogynist, that's for sure.
In the justly honored All About Eve, Anne Baxter (who was Frank Lloyd Wright's granddaughter) played a pretty and young stage-actress-wannabee who "showed up on the doorstep" of Betty Davis, who played a famous, but aging, actress on the New York stage. Eve started off humbly, but quickly, to displace Betty Davis. Eve used manipulation and cunning to trick everybody into helping her in her ambition.
Naturally, the other women in the movie were first to catch on to Eve's tricks. Halfway through the movie she moved on to male prey: the playwright, the director, and the theater critic. The playwright told his wife that Eve was innocent of the wife's suspicions: as proof, Eve even cried when a certain issue came up.
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That was pretty eye-opening for me to realize since previously I was thinking we all ought to be better than that but I think she expressed the greater truth and I have ever since adopted that, at least when I'm not in a dark moment myself.
I've not seen "All About Eve" so can't comment on this ally of yours but would like to comment about some of the things you originally wrote about. There is one especially that I feel needs comment but some groundwork needs to be established first.
I think forming "pair-bonds" is a biological need in early adulthood. Women and men both want a sexual union with commitment, each for their own reasons, but this is a whole other subject to debate and it's not where I want to go right now. But this biological need for "pair-bonding" only exists for about 20 years or so, and then subsides. This also is seen in the patterns of other animals and obviously serves the purpose of raising the young.
But then things change within each individual when those life tasks are finished. Unfortunately, there is a lot of clinging to the other by each gender. Lives have been built together, fortunes made and, when things get split, life style dramatically changes and in this very materialistic world, for a lot of people, that really hurts.
Our changing hormones at adolescence is exactly the force that causes these drives to occur. We never have a moment to reflect and actually be aware of what is happening to us. It has us by the ass, as I mentioned in an earlier essay. We are just as driven as birds in the spring to build a nest, mate, and take care of the young.
The subsiding of hormones in later adulthood is a wonderful thing, which you alluded to but you said it in a negative way. I think each gender has the opportunity finally at this later age to truly reach their own personal potential. For women, true and total independence which, given many factors (again subject of another essay) is a huge challenge for so many, for women have for so long let men lead, which required them to be submissive and dependent, to let men form their thoughts, etc. So many who have been mothers for so long just can't give up the role and this continues to dominate their lives and they do learn to use it as status and power. For men, they can finally be relieved of having to be the hunter all the time, the protector, the provider. Perhaps now they can find their soft eyes, let their defenses down a bit, and see people as people and not as the gender they happen to be and finally be relieved of feeling that the world is something always to be conquered. These are huge challenges for each gender and absolutely require serious looking within and brutal honesty, recognizing one's own dark side and truly suffering the hell this brings.
And now I finally get to my point. You said men have most of the fun with sex and women get stuck with the consequences. One thing about myself that I didn't realize until post menopause, is that having children was the driving factor when I was in my early 20's. I didn't realize it at the time, but it played a very large factor in the decisions I made.....feeling the need for a male to be in that nest with me. But in truth, I really just wanted the nest. So there's a bit of a confession for you but it's very brutally honest. To just say "motherhood fulfills a woman" falls so short of describing what really happens inside, undoubtedly caused by the fact that pregnancy and lactation changes everything about a woman's physiology, her hormones, and thus her thinking and feeling processes. LOL. Here's another confession....when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a boy. In fact, there is so much about men that I envy but for one thing. You just can't be mothers and, for me, that trumps it all.
Well, I have one more thing to share and then I shall be quiet. I promise.
I guess I had forgotten that Valentine's Day is primarily a romantic day. For so long, it's been valentine's for my kids teachers, friends, my parents, etc. so the day has much broader meaning for me.
This clip from the old Rifleman's series to me demonstrates the true meaning of giving a gift to another. (Rather than a gift given in obligation as you described.) Watch Mark McCann's face as I think it shows the total joy of giving to another and the old man's face who is receiving something he needs so very much. The gift is given with no strings, no expectations, etc. I really love this clip (OK, I'm a sucker for those old westerns anyway.
http://www.myspace.com/video/barryhowardau/johnny-crawford-sings-greensleeves/47558403