The Right Set of Balls (Updated)

Who was it that coined the phrase, "Nothin' beats a great pair of legs?" Cyd Charisse, Ann Miller, Juliet Prowse? Whoever it was, what counts is that the expression, whatever its veracity, is not of universal utility and applicability. For instance there are times when nothin' beats having the right set of balls.

While doing some backroad exploring near Socorro, NM, I took the wrong road. (There was no sign.) The road surface was hard and smooth, but very steep, well past negative double digits in percent slope. When the road deadended at a ranch I realized my error, got turned around, and started to go back up the hill. Whoa now, stop, breathe, think. 

It was time to let half the air out of the tires. We all probably forget to do this as often as we should. Even when extra traction/flotation isn't needed, lower tire pressure makes washboarded BLM roads less brutal. The trick is to buy a good tire inflator so it doesn't take forever to put the air pressure back in. 

Would this old engine (223,000 miles) really pull the trailer back up that hill, even if the rear wheels didn't slip? Coffee Girl and I walked up the hill and got quite discouraged. Even as recently as 10 years ago I might have gotten macho and cocky and tried to do it, probably resulting in a serious and expensive mess. 

But maybe we really do get a little wiser with age. I decided not to try to climb back up that hill. So we walked out to the nearest road junction where a pickup truck might go by every hour. (Geez, why didn't I bring water?!) Actually it was only 20 minutes before a heavy duty four-wheel-drive pickup came by.

There are times in life when it really would be easier to be a woman; especially a young one, and with nice legs. How was I going to get any sympathy from a guy! (That's why I brought my dog.) Apparently I started the begging process correctly: "I hope you are feeling heroic today." It worked.

The rancher, Jake -- and naturally he was a 'Jake,' and if married, the wife would be a 'Meg,' or am I confusing them with border collies? Anyway, we jumped in the back of the truck and rode back down the hill to the damsel in distress.  Jake wanted me to detach my tow vehicle, a van, and drive it up by itself, while he towed the trailer up with his pickup truck.

What amazing luck! He regularly plied that hill with a heavy, gooseneck, cattle trailer that mated to a large ball mounted on the bed of the truck, over the rear axle. But he also had a supplemental 2" ball mounted on his rear bumper, and that fit my lightweight trailer!

We made it back up the hill with no more excitement. He refused any money about three times until I finally said, "I'll feel like a real jerk and slob if you don't take the money, and it will be your fault." Guilt -- it gets 'em every time.

So what is the moral of this story, besides 'looking before you leap?' Most newer and all heavier trailers have the industry standard 2 5/16" ball. If he had had a receiver hitch, it might have had the 2 5/16" ball, and could not have towed me up. (Or he might have had the prescience to have a three-sized "balls of steel" on the receiver, which would have worked.)

But it would behoove a backroad trailer-puller to carry an inexpensive ball of the right size that could be switched with the incorrect one, owned by your would-be rescuer. 
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I've lowered my expectations at Walmart the last few years. Nevertheless they came through with the right tools and hitch equipment so that I can take advantage of a good Samaritan in ranch country without the dumb luck I had in this post.