Pop Quiz on 'How to Read a Book'

Occasionally it is fun to see if I can catch the readers sleeping by giving them a pop quiz. A couple comments about eReader gadgets recently revealed an opportunity for me to move in for the kill (grin). There seems to be a misunderstanding of what it takes to read a book comfortably. 

This is an important topic for those of us who see internet addiction (on trivial and repetitive websites) as a serious problem to overcome. Has anyone ever beaten a vicious habit by trying to replace it with a vacuity? I doubt it. They need to replace it with something that has a positive existence; something that is tangible, lively, and takes up time. In my case that means giving up the insulting trivialities of the blogosphere and going back to reading "books."

Now for the multiple choice quiz: which factor has the greatest beneficial effect on your comfort, endurance, and attention span when reading a book?

1. Display size of the eReader, i.e, 7", 10", etc.
2. Operating system of the eReader: iOs, Android, proprietary, etc.
3. Tactile appeal. Are the edges rubber or slippery plastic?
4. Weight and thinness.
5. Battery life.
6. The chair you are sitting in when reading.
7. The "coolness" factor: when you sit down at Starbucks, does a hot babe at the next table cast furtive, but meaningful, glances at you.
8. Percent rag content in the paper of the book.
9. Ink chemistry.
10. Idiotic or irrelevant marginalia left by the previous reader of the used book.

Now, while you are still cogitating, I'll insert blank lines so you can't see the answer on the screen.
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Decided yet? The answer is of course #6, the chair. This might not be the right answer for a rubber-boned teenager who can read comfortably in any bodily position. But it's certainly the right answer for old farts or anyone who has a physical problem. I have no back problems, yet I find that 30 minutes in a crappy chair or overstuffed sofa puts me into a surly mood, even if the book is trying to be interesting.

I have gone for years at a time without one of those standard folding chairs that people put outside their RVs. I can't stand sitting in them. Even if you bought a high-end one that was comfortable, consider what it would be like trying to read outdoors: in the sun you would need a windproof parasol, made out of reflectorized mylar film. If you moved the chair into the shade of your rig, you would need to put on a hooded goose-down parka. Or ants would be crawling up your leg while you try to focus attention on the book, which you'll probably fail at anyway since there are too many other distractions outdoors.

The only way to shield yourself from these distractions and to control your environment is to read indoors. Sofas are uncomfortable. "Easy chairs" are designed to induce the catatonic state, which is the optimal attitude for watching television. 

After years on the road, have you ever visited a friend or relative in a beautiful home and felt a powerful impression of luxury and space when first walking into the house, only to discover later that all of that money has not managed to produce a decent reading chair and light? (The latter total up to $200; the rest of the house costs $600,000. And the damn toilet won't even flush right.)

In fact the only comfortable chair is the modern swiveling molded office chair, with good lumbar support, adjustable arms, and caster wheels. That probably means you are at a desk, reading. Now that you are at a desk, all of the vaunted advantages of eReaders and tablets are irrelevant. Any modern laptop or $300 netbook will do the job beautifully.

Are there really consumers out there who are so naive that they can't see the psychological gimmicks of eReaders? Once you blow some money on the gadget you are more likely to buy books from Amazon or Barnes and Noble or Apple to "justify" the gadget. And those companies are in "give 'em the razor, sell 'em the blades" mode. They want to keep you captive in their walled garden, rather than reading books downloaded on a Windows computer in which the consumer can shop around at a variety of bookstores for the best deal.

Now that we have killed off this cultural nonsense about over-rated gadgets, let's ask why Americans are so obsessed about the latest and greatest gadget, and are eager to swallow any lame excuse for another one. Is it just one more symptom of a declining middle-class standard of living? We can't afford to buy a new car without a 7 year mortgage on it, put gasoline in the car, go to the doctor, or eat out at a restaurant. But we can amuse and distract ourselves with latest electronic gadget, since they usually get better and come down in price.